Storms..

currently playing>> everytime i see you, my life turns upside down.. i try soo hard to find out, how to make you come back.. but even if i told you, i cant hold you again.. everytime i see you, i know.. :) -by fra lippo lippi..
im feeling>> in pain. painful my pus.on.. :( i have my period..

Storms – both literal and figurative, leave in their wake destruction and chaos. They bring howling and lashing winds that uproot trees and sweep away natural and man-made structures that are not secured in their moorings. Their torrential rains bring flood and landslides that cause severe damage to lives and properties.

And yet, there is beauty amidst the ugliness of storms. In the clutter left after the landslides and the floods, man realizes that there should have been more trees to hold the rains in check; that our waterways should not be clogged with garbage… Storms are but nature’s protests against the wanton ways of mankind.

Storms test the quality of manmade structures. The weak ones go down and the strong ones endure. As do the figurative storms that enter our lives. Only the robust and the true survive.

Storms are cleansing. In their aftermath, we put order back in a newly bathed world - a world that offers countless possibilities for rebuilding to a better life. We have weathered the storms of the past week. Filipinos all over the country united as one, to help one another. It takes storms to do these. And therein lies their beauty – in the chance they give for fresh beginnings.

(charlene's reaction to typhoon Ondoy..)

my first death..

currently playing>> nothing's gonna change my love for you, saxophone version..
im feeling>> lucky! :)

i saved a life today! :) fine.. i'll rephrase that, i helped save a life today. since in the Emergency Room, us staff there work as a team, we brought a patient back to life. literal meaning of the word, we brought back his heartbeat.. :) not at all times that we're able to bring patients back to life so everytime we're able to do that, despite the fact that resuscitative measures are a very much hassle to whoever is on duty, it just feels soo damn good everytime. :)

i've already experienced a lot of deaths in my job as a nurse, most especially since i work in a public hospital where most of the time, when the patient seeks medical help, they're usually in a late stage already. i can't blame them though, because money is always the issue.. it's different now, having gone through dying patients. you get used to it. it's true that you learn from experience. i still get scared sometimes, but the adrenaline rush and knowledge on what to do and having a team that will back you up, is more than enough to get me through tough times. that's what we're here for: WE SAVE LIVES!

my first death would be one thing that i would not forget my whole life. and to keep track of that unfortunate event, i have always kept this post. this is a repost from my first ever encounter with death while now working as a professional nurse dated last february 12, 2008:

the previous night proved to be a night of many firsts for me..

first time in mr. coffee before heading to work..

my first graveyard / night / nocturnal / 10pm-6am shift..

and my first EVER death under my care..
my first ever death, where my first ever TARONG assessment of a "bati" patient was not heeded by my superior..

i was doing the hourly monitoring of this patient. hourly monitoring, which isnt supposed to even be the nurse's job coz the interns are the ones assigned to do this. from 11pm-2am, he still had stable vital signs, especially the 02 sat and BP.. at my next check on 3am, his BP gradually declined to 77/48 and o2 sat to 97.. i was alarmed. i referred this to my senior nurse, and he just told me "OK ra na". at the back of my mind, i was thinking, paksyet dz cant be, karon ra ni na usab iya VS..ö

ug sa dihang gi katulgan kos aku senior nurse..ö

4am, next monitoring nako, dili na mu andar ang pulse oxy. gi refer na pod nako, gi ingnan ra bakog to "change the outlet"?!? i did so anyway, but dili japon mu andar. so nag manual ko ug check. wa koi nakuhang radial pulse. tried the brachial, wala. try ko sa carotid, wala. LAST RESORT, apical, WALA JAPON!
na scared nako. thankfully, naabot ang intern. i asked her a favor to check the VS kai di nako makuha. xempweh, intern gyud cya, she should noe better than i do.. na shock ko kai ang BP iya nakuha, 130/80! considering sa monitoring that ive been doing, impossible kaau kai from a stable 100/60 to 77/48, mahimu ng 130/80?!? i was about to question her pero na wala cya.

30 minutes after, ang S.O. sa patient complained na ang mech.vent wala na ni.siga.. so adto na pod ko. 430am na ni ha, take note. gi pukaw nako ang aku senior nurse kai dili na jd ko kbaw ani. ni mata cya. iyang gi adto ang patient and i referred the information i got during the last 2hours na natulog ra cya. so assess2x pod cya. pagkita niya na he couldnt do anything, patawag na cya ug code nurse.

5am, code 89 to stroke unit.

imagine, almost an hour had already passed since i noticed na wla nai heartbeat ang patient. then 5am pa natawag ang code?

with that one hour, daghan na au ang na happen sa patient in that span of time. even if ETT cya attached to mech.vent attached to O2 at 10L/min, with zero cardiac workload = there's zero cardiac output = definitely no oxygen circulation especially to the brain..
i trusted my instincts, and i referred that to my senior as soon as possible, BUT GI-IGNORE KO!!! GI-KATULGAN KO!

im not blaming him, and im not doubting his capabilities. in fact, idol nako cya kai chill kaau cya na pagka nurse maskin tiguwang nah kayod gihapon.. BUT A LIFE COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED!
im making yaw2x.. and i have to go to school..

i feel bad.

this was a night of many firsts for me..

first graveyard 10pm to 6am shift..
first time ive trusted my instincts so bad.
first time naka witness ko ug slacking while on duty.
first time ive witnessed someone, to whom ive given my total nursing care for, die.

Cebu City Medical Center - my workplace.. :)

currently playing>> take on me! take on me.. take me on.. take on me! hehe by a-Ha :)
im feeling>> happy! i had coffee today with my girls, cha tepait and jecar gonzaga..ü

this time, im gonna introduce you to where i work!
Cebu City Medical Center! :)

What is this place?

CCMC, founded in 1962..

CCMC is located just within the heart of Cebu City..

Cebu City Medical Center is a government-owned, 300-bed capacity hospital in Cebu City providing tertiary level services. It is located in the heart of the city along Natalio Bacalso Ave., corner Panganiban Street. It’s vision is to become a world-class health care institution.

A view from the outside..

Cebu City Medical Center is mandated to produce holistic quality healt care services to the residents of Cebu City which are client-centered and cost effective through competent, committed and compassionate personnel.

Aside from that, the Cebu City Medical Center is also an accredited training institution that is affiliated with local nursing and medical schools in the city allowing for training of students within the facility. Majority of the patients in the hospital are local residents belonging to the marginalized sector of the community.

What's it like working here?

As a student, I never looked forward to having my related learning experience duties here. Maybe it’s because of the fact that I was already used to being exposed to Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center only, and because of the negative image I already had about this place basing on what was heard and printed in the media. Thank God I wasn't exposed in the wards, and only in the special areas. On my first day of duty in CCMC as a student, what turned me off the most was its acrid smell and the rampage of insects crawling about everywhere. But at that time, I had no choice because it was part of the requirement to get me this degree of BSN.

That was the past. Looking back, I think of it as funny because I really love this place. What more can I ask for in working? The pay is good, compared to the private hospitals where my friends are working, there’s no question about that. In terms of experience, working here has taught me to become very resourceful and I’m proud to say that it has indeed improved my skills, considering the fact that nag sagol2x ang mga kaso sa mga pasyente diri and with the limited resources that we have. Aside from that, I met real friends here. Friends I know who have helped me and I know would continue to help me in becoming not just an effective nurse, but a responsible and mature person as well.

CCMC's world class nurses, my friends.. :)

Yes, I have gone through my own shit here in this hospital. There will be people who will always criticize your every move and attempt to pull you down. But that is but common in any organization. The main goal there is to stay strong and believe that just as long as you know that what you are doing is right, you wouldn't care about what other people would say about you. Although sometimes in this hospital, it is every man for himself, the key is still survival of the fittest. Of course when you’re starting, you’ll always be in the lowest level of the food chain. But once you’ve proved your worth and that you are indeed capable of the demands of the job, you’ll eventually earn the respect that’s due you. And I am glad that at this point, I have that now..

Me, on a photoshoot vanity break, while working..ü

And working here, I learned to love this place. It pisses me off sometimes that what the public sees or thinks about CCMC is the negative image that has already been put up by the media. But being an employee here, I have in me this sense of protectiveness toward this institution. If the people can only see the way we work, they can also truly say for themselves that it’s not easy being in our place and would even be proud of us because of our skills. It’s not easy working in a place where there is limited resources and funds. But we have done our part, and we have served the residents in Cebu City to best of our capabilities. And I am proud that I belong to Cebu City Medical Center.

love♥ ü

currently playing>> i miss you by incubus
im feeling>> mingaw2x intawn sa uyab.. :(

just a sweet conversation i remembered while clearing out my friendster messages..ü
(copy pasted from my friendster inbox)

this was at a time when jan2x's friendster profile pic was a picture of brandon boyd from the band incubus:

charLene üüü wrote:

babe.. favor.. change your primary pic beh? okei lng? i dont want to stare at brandon boyd. nahan ka na kang brandon boyd nlng ko maibog?

jely23 wrote:

dili.. hehe.. ok change nko xa...ü

kay dapat sa akoa lng jd ka maibog...ü

so he changed his primary picture to this:

aww..ü my baby, the selfish boyfriend..ü

wala lang.. nakilig lang ko..
and i just miss him even more na nuon.. geh lang..
just a few more months.. he's coming back..
and i'll be happy again..ü

birthdays..ü

currently playing>> the (after) life of the party by fall out boy
im feeling>> lazy coz the weather's so cozy..ü lami mag ligid2x lng bah..ü

it's my niece's birthday today, and as we celebrate her birthday this year, i am reminded on how we celebrated her birthday last year where she wasn't told the night before that it was going to be her birthday the next day. so on the day of her birthday, it was like any ordinary day for her: went to school, came home, took a nap. she was told already in the evening when guests were arriving and her gifts were given that it was in fact her birthday. she got into a fit with her mama on why she wasnt told that it was her special day and cried the night away. hehe. this year is different coz she has a sense of dates already, and knows how to use the calendar. imagine her excitement last night, talking to her classmates on the phone and telling them it was her birthday today.

i have fond memories of when i celebrated my own birthdays as a child, as well. i'd have trouble sleeping the night before coz i'd be so excited about the next day. what concerned me only were the gifts, cake, ice cream and all the yummy food prepared during birthdays, being able to tell all my friends that it was my birthday, and not getting to be bullied by my older sisters coz it was MY birthday. as i grew older though, i really dont have trouble sleeping anymore, the night before my birthday. it's not that it's starting to become any ordinary day already.. maybe it just comes with the time, when you're expected to be mature already.

i still do have happy birthdays, and i still look forward to my birthday every year, thankful that i've been given another good year to celebrate life.ü mature? i don't think so, yet. i'm just glad that i'm aging gracefully. i think. (hehe.ü baga!) and i wish the same for my family as well, especially for the kids, and for my friends.ü

will update..

currently playing>> paparazzi remix by lady gaga on youtube :)
im feeling>> sapot with old married firemen. piste

i havent put anything on this blog for more than three years, let alone visit this. so after three years, here i am, this is the COMEBACK! :) and yes.. bcoz this is a requirement for my infotech class.. hehe. :)

i have reread things ive posted here, and na lingaw ko.. they seem so long ago.. from a not soo distant (but still so fresh) past..

so yea. i will update. promise, promise! :D