baby shampoos for a crybaby..

currently playing>> jeepney by spongecola..
im feeling>> hurt, aching, longing.. =(

never have i felt so weak before in my life than i did last night. and up to now, the wounds are still so raw. how come when heartaches were introduced, they didnt invent it with the no-tear-formula that baby shampoos are made of?

i am a crybaby. been one for as long as i can remember. i get teary-eyed over the most petty things. i cried during my high school graduation. i cried the first time i was able to witness a baby being born to the world. i cried when i lost the elections for school president in grade six. i cried when my older brother left for the states. i cried when i had a fight with my dad two afternoons ago. i cried when dylan cried over his finger that got caught in the car door. i cried when i broke my wrist during one of my sessions in karate when i was in grade three. i cried when i saw how proud my mom was to see me on stage delivering a speech of thanks in behalf of the entire graduating class during my elementary graduation. i cried when i got picked on by some friends in high school. i even cry over those sappy melodramas that they show on the big screen or on tv. but now i cry because i can't just stop the world and melt with him.

yep. i am a crybaby. and i might owe it to the fact that i was already four years old when my mom started buying johnson's baby shampoo for me. prior to that, i remember crying when my dad would give me a bath because he made sure that he soaped every inch of me, and that meant my face included. and getting soap in my eyes always made me cry.

it's funny how one thinks how easy it is to get over feelings for someone.

one minute, i feel it's there, freeing me of all the pain. it's fresh. blissful. it haunts my soul like warm rays of sunshine, replacing the blood in my veins. and just when im already starting to enjoy the warmth, i suddenly find myself waking up to a series of tidal waves, crashing down on me from nowhere, drowning my senses and bringing me back to reality. it's cold. livid. it hurts. ouch.

im not the type of person who gives up easily. i hold on, as much as i can, but i learn to let go when i noe i have lost the fight. melancholy would settle in, yes, but it would only last for a while. and i need just enough for me to feel the numb, enough to give me strength to swim out of that stuporic state of doldrums.

but i smile. i live for rollercoasters like these that reassure me that i am human, capable of emotions. it's what keeps me alive. it's what keeps me sane. in a stage where pimple-causing raging hormones are not under my control, i find myself grinning like a kid who got a perfect ten plus three stars on a spelling quiz after giving the teacher a juicy red apple.

pain will always be unavoidable, but nobody said that it wouldnt be bearable.

i still try hard not to get shampoo in my eyes so that it wouldnt sting. and i make sure that i close my eyes every time i wash my face. if only avoiding heartaches were as simple as these, i wouldnt be looking for baby shampoos all the time.