second assignment for my english class ;p
***
These are indeed trying times for the Filipino but more so for the Filipino youth. It is not just a time of economic difficulties that can be remedied with enough effort backed up by determination, but also a time that tries the very moral fiber of our people. This is the real challenge of our times.
But how can the Filipino youth rise above the reality of moral decay when everywhere they look, there seems to be no one whom they can look up to? While we still have our heroes from Jose Rizal to Andres Bonifacio and their contemporaries down to Ninoy Aquino and the other unsung heroes of our generation – we, the youth want living examples of heroism. This is the kind of heroism that will lead us out of our present difficulties.
This is the heroism that we expect in our leaders who should lead us with patriotic models by upholding the national interest above personal ones. But the current reality is far from this ideal and definitely is a source of confusion for the Filipino youth. In the face of this confusion – should we sacrifice our youthful idealism on the altar of reality for it seems to be the practical way out?
For me, there is no need to do that because ideals – our noble aspirations for the betterment of our people, can be our guiding light through the dismal landscape of our present; a landscape peopled by an older generation who surrendered their own ideals for personal gain. Hopefully, the landscape of our future will be brighter – our ideals nourishing our youthful dreams into adult realities.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Sunday, December 04, 2005
memory two
haha! i found another one! god, i love clearing out my files..ü this one's from fourth year high school. hehe. pathetic me.
***
october 17, 2002
You know how you say you're completely over a person and you promise yourself that you'll never fall for that person again? You know how you break yourself to pieces just hearing the sounds that bring back the memories of the person you vowed to never love again? You know how difficult it is to forget about that person because you know deep inside of you, you always will remember? I do.
Being in love with a person for almost two years is no joke. I must admit, it would probably be pale in comparison with other people who have loved but for me, he was my first and only love. I was so caught up in the thought of us and of being together for the rest of our lives. It seemed like I had found myself in him and that I would never have to let go. It was a dream come true for me, a girl who never actually thought about falling in love. I was fine in a world of friends and family. I was scared of boys, frightened that they might bite. I kept my distance from them.
But all that changed when I met him. He was different. Well, maybe he wasn't - it just seemed like he was. He stood out from the rest, probably because I already liked him that much. I never thought we'd talk like we knew each other since we were children. I never thought I'd open up to a boy as I did with him. He had my heart in his hands.
The short text messages would stay saved on my cellphone for times I needed his comfort. I would read them and I would automatically feel better. There’s no mentioning the times when I’d read them over and over again. The times we’d walk together to class was sweeter than ice cream. The short visits he'd make would almost be like a grand event - even worthy of a countdown. The times he’d walk me home every after school let out was like heaven. Every moment with him mattered and I was happy. I was truly happy. It was bliss… sweet eternal bliss. It was almost unreal.
My life seemed like a fairy tale when he came into my life but I had to learn that not all fairy tales end up happy – and I learned that the hard way. He seemed distant a few weeks into the relationship. The walks to class with me became walks to class with his friends. The free periods spent together with me became free periods spent together with friends. The visits became less frequent. The after-school-walks-to-home became extinct. And I was starting to feel lost and alone. It went on for a couple of weeks. We didn't talk and we didn't see each other. I felt both devastated and angry. Devastated because I felt I had lost my source of happiness and inspiration. Angry because I hated him for making me feel that way. I didn't want to call him and talk to him for fear that the once amazing relationship we had might get cut short.
But somebody always has to make the first move. I had to know what was wrong and what went wrong. I had to muster up the courage to do so. And I did. I was scared. My heart was beating so fast that I couldn't catch up with it. I knew there had to be a reason for me to feel that way. And my fear became reality when it became obvious that this wasn't what he wanted. The relationship seemed to be the most important thing for him before but not anymore. He got tired. I was broken. I wanted to cry but the tears would not fall. I wanted to hit him to make him feel the pain in my heart but on the other hand, I wanted to hug him and keep him close in the hopes of making him stay with me. But I knew I couldn't. He didn't want me - not as much as I wanted him. It felt like a thousand blades piercing me all at one time.
It was hard to let go of the thought of him wanting me back. I held on to it because I had nothing else to hold on to. I never thought the day would come when I would finally tell myself that I am over him and that I don't need him anymore. I never thought that he would forget about me as easily as he decided of letting go. I never thought he'd be as mean as he is now to the one person who he said he loved. Call it sourgraping, but I never thought I would regret even loving someone as much as I loved him. I never thought I would hate him, as I never thought I would fall in love. But I love him. Yeah. I still do.
***
october 17, 2002
You know how you say you're completely over a person and you promise yourself that you'll never fall for that person again? You know how you break yourself to pieces just hearing the sounds that bring back the memories of the person you vowed to never love again? You know how difficult it is to forget about that person because you know deep inside of you, you always will remember? I do.
Being in love with a person for almost two years is no joke. I must admit, it would probably be pale in comparison with other people who have loved but for me, he was my first and only love. I was so caught up in the thought of us and of being together for the rest of our lives. It seemed like I had found myself in him and that I would never have to let go. It was a dream come true for me, a girl who never actually thought about falling in love. I was fine in a world of friends and family. I was scared of boys, frightened that they might bite. I kept my distance from them.
But all that changed when I met him. He was different. Well, maybe he wasn't - it just seemed like he was. He stood out from the rest, probably because I already liked him that much. I never thought we'd talk like we knew each other since we were children. I never thought I'd open up to a boy as I did with him. He had my heart in his hands.
The short text messages would stay saved on my cellphone for times I needed his comfort. I would read them and I would automatically feel better. There’s no mentioning the times when I’d read them over and over again. The times we’d walk together to class was sweeter than ice cream. The short visits he'd make would almost be like a grand event - even worthy of a countdown. The times he’d walk me home every after school let out was like heaven. Every moment with him mattered and I was happy. I was truly happy. It was bliss… sweet eternal bliss. It was almost unreal.
My life seemed like a fairy tale when he came into my life but I had to learn that not all fairy tales end up happy – and I learned that the hard way. He seemed distant a few weeks into the relationship. The walks to class with me became walks to class with his friends. The free periods spent together with me became free periods spent together with friends. The visits became less frequent. The after-school-walks-to-home became extinct. And I was starting to feel lost and alone. It went on for a couple of weeks. We didn't talk and we didn't see each other. I felt both devastated and angry. Devastated because I felt I had lost my source of happiness and inspiration. Angry because I hated him for making me feel that way. I didn't want to call him and talk to him for fear that the once amazing relationship we had might get cut short.
But somebody always has to make the first move. I had to know what was wrong and what went wrong. I had to muster up the courage to do so. And I did. I was scared. My heart was beating so fast that I couldn't catch up with it. I knew there had to be a reason for me to feel that way. And my fear became reality when it became obvious that this wasn't what he wanted. The relationship seemed to be the most important thing for him before but not anymore. He got tired. I was broken. I wanted to cry but the tears would not fall. I wanted to hit him to make him feel the pain in my heart but on the other hand, I wanted to hug him and keep him close in the hopes of making him stay with me. But I knew I couldn't. He didn't want me - not as much as I wanted him. It felt like a thousand blades piercing me all at one time.
It was hard to let go of the thought of him wanting me back. I held on to it because I had nothing else to hold on to. I never thought the day would come when I would finally tell myself that I am over him and that I don't need him anymore. I never thought that he would forget about me as easily as he decided of letting go. I never thought he'd be as mean as he is now to the one person who he said he loved. Call it sourgraping, but I never thought I would regret even loving someone as much as I loved him. I never thought I would hate him, as I never thought I would fall in love. But I love him. Yeah. I still do.
memory one
i found some old notes in my computer. here's one i wrote in 3rd year high school, after nagbuwag meh ni jan2x.. hehe. i found myself smiling when i read this. haha. i wuz so high school!ü
in some ways, i think i still am. hehe.
***
Dear Diary 01:26 AM, 11 march 2002
This is so pathetic. They said that love could cause unbelievable pain. Only, I didn’t think that it would be this unbearable. I see him everyday and it hurts so bad to know that he’s happily moving on with his life, while I’m still here… holding on to the past. Holding on to “what was” and “what had been”. Being near him and feeling him close never ceases to make me remember the way just one simple smile from him was enough to take away all the hate I felt for the world. In a way, it still does. But it’s not just the same for his smiles are no longer for me. It has never been the same and it may never be the same again.
He was my protector. My confidant. My friend. The very reason for my whole being. I remember he used to tell me words of love and devotion and of tender admiration. He promised me forever and eternity. I felt so secure in his arms. I felt so loved, needed, wanted, and so tenderly cared for. No one had ever made me feel that way before. Yet he betrayed me with all his lies. He told me that it would be better if I just let him go. He told me that he wasn’t worth my love and that someone else deserves it more than he did. But what if things would only get worse if I would let him go? What if he was truly worth my love and that he was the one who deserved it and much more? He told me it would be better if we were just friends. FRIENDS?! But I don’t want to be just friends! He told me to just forget about him. He told me to find someone new. And I tried that. Believe me, I did. Find someone new? I’d only end up hurting the person much more than myself for I would always run back to him, at least to the memory of his love. But that was what he wanted. He hurt me and he caused me so much pain. But then guess what… just one look at him would already be enough to erase all those pain.
I know I should move on with my life already. But what if he was the only one I ever loved? The only one I ever did, and probably the only one I ever will do? It’s true what they say that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Maybe I’m the one to blame. If only I hadn’t given up too soon. If only I didn’t let go that fast. If only I held on just a little bit longer, then maybe things wouldn’t have turned out this way and maybe I wouldn’t be sourgraping this badly. But it’s too late for all those regrets now. What more could they do? They wouldn’t even be enough to be able to bring him back.
If only they could…
in some ways, i think i still am. hehe.
***
Dear Diary 01:26 AM, 11 march 2002
This is so pathetic. They said that love could cause unbelievable pain. Only, I didn’t think that it would be this unbearable. I see him everyday and it hurts so bad to know that he’s happily moving on with his life, while I’m still here… holding on to the past. Holding on to “what was” and “what had been”. Being near him and feeling him close never ceases to make me remember the way just one simple smile from him was enough to take away all the hate I felt for the world. In a way, it still does. But it’s not just the same for his smiles are no longer for me. It has never been the same and it may never be the same again.
He was my protector. My confidant. My friend. The very reason for my whole being. I remember he used to tell me words of love and devotion and of tender admiration. He promised me forever and eternity. I felt so secure in his arms. I felt so loved, needed, wanted, and so tenderly cared for. No one had ever made me feel that way before. Yet he betrayed me with all his lies. He told me that it would be better if I just let him go. He told me that he wasn’t worth my love and that someone else deserves it more than he did. But what if things would only get worse if I would let him go? What if he was truly worth my love and that he was the one who deserved it and much more? He told me it would be better if we were just friends. FRIENDS?! But I don’t want to be just friends! He told me to just forget about him. He told me to find someone new. And I tried that. Believe me, I did. Find someone new? I’d only end up hurting the person much more than myself for I would always run back to him, at least to the memory of his love. But that was what he wanted. He hurt me and he caused me so much pain. But then guess what… just one look at him would already be enough to erase all those pain.
I know I should move on with my life already. But what if he was the only one I ever loved? The only one I ever did, and probably the only one I ever will do? It’s true what they say that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Maybe I’m the one to blame. If only I hadn’t given up too soon. If only I didn’t let go that fast. If only I held on just a little bit longer, then maybe things wouldn’t have turned out this way and maybe I wouldn’t be sourgraping this badly. But it’s too late for all those regrets now. What more could they do? They wouldn’t even be enough to be able to bring him back.
If only they could…
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