my first death..

currently playing>> nothing's gonna change my love for you, saxophone version..
im feeling>> lucky! :)

i saved a life today! :) fine.. i'll rephrase that, i helped save a life today. since in the Emergency Room, us staff there work as a team, we brought a patient back to life. literal meaning of the word, we brought back his heartbeat.. :) not at all times that we're able to bring patients back to life so everytime we're able to do that, despite the fact that resuscitative measures are a very much hassle to whoever is on duty, it just feels soo damn good everytime. :)

i've already experienced a lot of deaths in my job as a nurse, most especially since i work in a public hospital where most of the time, when the patient seeks medical help, they're usually in a late stage already. i can't blame them though, because money is always the issue.. it's different now, having gone through dying patients. you get used to it. it's true that you learn from experience. i still get scared sometimes, but the adrenaline rush and knowledge on what to do and having a team that will back you up, is more than enough to get me through tough times. that's what we're here for: WE SAVE LIVES!

my first death would be one thing that i would not forget my whole life. and to keep track of that unfortunate event, i have always kept this post. this is a repost from my first ever encounter with death while now working as a professional nurse dated last february 12, 2008:

the previous night proved to be a night of many firsts for me..

first time in mr. coffee before heading to work..

my first graveyard / night / nocturnal / 10pm-6am shift..

and my first EVER death under my care..
my first ever death, where my first ever TARONG assessment of a "bati" patient was not heeded by my superior..

i was doing the hourly monitoring of this patient. hourly monitoring, which isnt supposed to even be the nurse's job coz the interns are the ones assigned to do this. from 11pm-2am, he still had stable vital signs, especially the 02 sat and BP.. at my next check on 3am, his BP gradually declined to 77/48 and o2 sat to 97.. i was alarmed. i referred this to my senior nurse, and he just told me "OK ra na". at the back of my mind, i was thinking, paksyet dz cant be, karon ra ni na usab iya VS..ö

ug sa dihang gi katulgan kos aku senior nurse..ö

4am, next monitoring nako, dili na mu andar ang pulse oxy. gi refer na pod nako, gi ingnan ra bakog to "change the outlet"?!? i did so anyway, but dili japon mu andar. so nag manual ko ug check. wa koi nakuhang radial pulse. tried the brachial, wala. try ko sa carotid, wala. LAST RESORT, apical, WALA JAPON!
na scared nako. thankfully, naabot ang intern. i asked her a favor to check the VS kai di nako makuha. xempweh, intern gyud cya, she should noe better than i do.. na shock ko kai ang BP iya nakuha, 130/80! considering sa monitoring that ive been doing, impossible kaau kai from a stable 100/60 to 77/48, mahimu ng 130/80?!? i was about to question her pero na wala cya.

30 minutes after, ang S.O. sa patient complained na ang mech.vent wala na ni.siga.. so adto na pod ko. 430am na ni ha, take note. gi pukaw nako ang aku senior nurse kai dili na jd ko kbaw ani. ni mata cya. iyang gi adto ang patient and i referred the information i got during the last 2hours na natulog ra cya. so assess2x pod cya. pagkita niya na he couldnt do anything, patawag na cya ug code nurse.

5am, code 89 to stroke unit.

imagine, almost an hour had already passed since i noticed na wla nai heartbeat ang patient. then 5am pa natawag ang code?

with that one hour, daghan na au ang na happen sa patient in that span of time. even if ETT cya attached to mech.vent attached to O2 at 10L/min, with zero cardiac workload = there's zero cardiac output = definitely no oxygen circulation especially to the brain..
i trusted my instincts, and i referred that to my senior as soon as possible, BUT GI-IGNORE KO!!! GI-KATULGAN KO!

im not blaming him, and im not doubting his capabilities. in fact, idol nako cya kai chill kaau cya na pagka nurse maskin tiguwang nah kayod gihapon.. BUT A LIFE COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED!
im making yaw2x.. and i have to go to school..

i feel bad.

this was a night of many firsts for me..

first graveyard 10pm to 6am shift..
first time ive trusted my instincts so bad.
first time naka witness ko ug slacking while on duty.
first time ive witnessed someone, to whom ive given my total nursing care for, die.